Limerence Obsession

Exploring Limerence and Romantic Obsession

Limerence can be a deeply intoxicating experience, characterized by an overwhelming infatuation with another person. While often thrilling, limerence can disrupt personal lives and intimate relationships. At Self Care Impact, we provide insights into how this intense emotional connection can affect your relationship and strategies to manage it through couples counseling.

Understanding Limerence

So what is Limerence?  You may be more familiar with terms like love and infatuation.  Simply put, limerence is in between love and infatuation but things are never simple. Limerence can be a deeply intoxicating experience, characterized by an overwhelming infatuation with another person. While often thrilling, limerence can disrupt personal lives and intimate relationships

Limerence, in particular, demands attention due to its complex nature; it can be a powerful, sometimes overwhelming force that has the potential to impact individuals and their relationships significantly. Unlike fleeting crushes or stable, mature love, limerence can persist stubbornly, sometimes lasting throughout a person’s lifetime. It’s this enduring, often problematic aspect of limerence that can shape, and sometimes disrupt, the course of one’s emotional and relational journey. Understanding limerence, along with love and infatuation, is therefore essential, not only for personal self-awareness but also for navigating the multifaceted landscape of human relationships.

Signs of Limerence

  • Intrusive thoughts about the person
  • Extreme shyness or nervousness around them
  • Unreasonable fear of rejection
  • Idealization of the other person’s attributes

Impact on Relationships

Limerence can lead to emotional imbalances within a relationship, causing distress and conflict. It often creates unrealistic expectations and may put unnecessary strain on both partners. Understanding these dynamics is crucial for couples facing these challenges.

Differentiating Between the Three Emotions

Differentiating between love, infatuation, and limerence involves understanding their unique characteristics, duration, and impact on individuals and relationships. Here’s a detailed comparison:


  • Nature: Love is a profound, complex emotion characterized by deep affection, care, and commitment. It encompasses a strong emotional bond and attachment to another person.
  • Duration: Love is enduring. It develops and deepens over time and can last a lifetime.
  • Impact: Love positively affects mental and emotional well-being. It involves mutual growth, support, and often includes a willingness to sacrifice and work through challenges together.
  • Behavioral Aspects: Actions rooted in love are often selfless, prioritizing the well-being of the loved one. It fosters stability and security within relationships.


  • Nature: Infatuation is often a more surface-level, intense passion or admiration for someone, usually heavily based on physical attraction or an idealized perception of the person.
  • Duration: It is usually short-lived, ranging from a few days to a few months. Infatuation can be the initial phase of a romantic relationship but doesn’t always evolve into love.
  • Impact: Infatuation is characterized by a rush of excitement and euphoria, akin to a ‘crush’. It can lead to obsessive thoughts but lacks the depth and commitment of love.
  • Behavioral Aspects: Actions driven by infatuation are often impulsive and predominantly self-centered, focusing on the gratification of one’s own emotional needs and desires.


  • Nature: Limerence, a term coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov, is an involuntary state of intense desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings. It involves obsessive thoughts and fantasies about the other person.
  • Duration: Limerence can last much longer than infatuation, from months to years, and can be emotionally taxing, especially if the feelings are not reciprocated.
  • Impact: It can lead to significant emotional turmoil and distress. Unlike love, it is marked by a strong need for reciprocity and an inability to control thoughts and feelings about the other person.
  • Behavioral Aspects: Behaviors in limerence are often characterized by an overwhelming desire to gain the affection of the object of one’s feelings, which can result in actions that are intense and sometimes intrusive.

Why is Limerence Problematic?

Intense Emotional Turmoil

Limerence often involves overwhelming emotions that can be all-consuming. Individuals may experience extreme highs when their feelings are reciprocated, or debilitating lows when they are not. This emotional rollercoaster can be mentally and emotionally draining.

Impact on Daily Functioning

The obsessive nature of limerence can interfere with an individual’s ability to concentrate, work, or engage in social activities. The constant preoccupation with the object of their affection can lead to neglect of other important aspects of life, such as personal responsibilities and relationships.

Relationship Issues

Limerence can strain existing relationships, both romantic and platonic. For instance, if one is in a committed relationship but experiences limerence towards someone else, it can lead to feelings of guilt, infidelity, or conflict with their partner. It can also cause tension in friendships, especially if friends feel neglected or if they disapprove of the obsessive behavior.

Mental Health Concerns

Limerence is often associated with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. The intense and obsessive nature of limerence can exacerbate these conditions, leading to a decline in overall mental health.

Unrealistic Expectations and Disappointment

Limerence usually involves an idealized and often unrealistic perception of the object of affection. When the reality does not match these idealizations, it can lead to profound disappointment and emotional pain.

Difficulty in Moving On

The intense fixation on a single person can make it challenging for someone experiencing limerence to move on, even when it’s clear that a relationship is not possible or healthy. This can prolong emotional distress and impede the formation of new, healthier relationships.

Potential for Unhealthy Behaviors

In some cases, the obsessive nature of limerence can lead to unhealthy or even harmful behaviors, such as stalking, excessive messaging, or other forms of unwanted attention that can be distressing for the object of affection.

Couples Counseling for Limerence

Couples therapy can be an effective way to address the issues arising from limerence. Therapy offers a space to explore feelings of limerence openly and constructively. Through counseling, couples can learn strategies to:

  • Communicate more effectively about their emotions
  • Set realistic expectations for their relationship
  • Develop deeper emotional intimacy and understanding

We invite you to call us at 720-551-4553 for a free 20-minute phone consultation. You can schedule your appointment via phone, email, or the contact page on our website. We offer both in-person and online counseling We’re open to whichever option you feel more comfortable with.  No need to keep searching for Couples Counseling Near Me – we’re ready to help!  We look forward to hearing from you!

Self Care Impact Counseling envisions a new age of counseling for adolescents, adults, couples & groups that makes a REAL difference with core values of GROWTH | BALANCE | COMPASSION | INNER HARMONY.Limerence can be a deeply intoxicating experience, characterized by an overwhelming infatuation with another person. While often thrilling, limerence can disrupt personal lives and intimate relationships