Understanding Grief: What It Is and How to Deal With It

Grief is one of the hardest emotional experiences a person can go through, and there’s really no script for it. We often struggle to understand other people’s grief, which makes it even harder to recognize in ourselves. What we do know is that loss takes a real toll on mental health. The more we understand about grief, the better equipped we are to move through it. Here’s how to recognize grief and the steps you can take to process it.

Grief Isn’t Just About Death

One of the most important things to understand about grief is that it doesn’t only happen after losing someone to death. Grief can follow the loss of anything meaningful to you, and it’s a completely normal human response to loss. That loss might include:

• The end of a marriage or long-term relationship
• Leaving a job or career
• Being diagnosed with a chronic illness
• Infertility or the loss of a pregnancy
• A friendship ending
• The loss of a pet
• Moving away from a home you loved

What Grief Feels Like

The emotional symptoms of grief are often more complicated than people expect. You might feel deep sadness, but also guilt over wishing you had said or done something differently. You might feel fear about what life looks like without this person or thing. And yes, you might feel angry.

Grief can also bring conflicting emotions. For example, if a parent suffered through a long illness before passing, you might feel devastated that they’re gone and also relieved that they’re no longer in pain.

Beyond emotions, grief also shows up in the body. Fatigue, nausea, difficulty sleeping, and physical aches and pains are all common. These symptoms can look a lot like depression, and sometimes they overlap with it.

How to Cope With Loss

There’s no single right way to grieve. But some approaches can help you move through it with more support and less isolation.

• Don’t go through this alone. Lean on friends and family. It can feel awkward to talk about grief at first, and sometimes people don’t know what to say. But don’t let that stop you from starting the conversation. Let people in, and ask for what you need.
• Consider joining a support group. If you’re going through a specific kind of loss—like the loss of a child or a spouse—connecting with others who’ve been through something similar can be incredibly meaningful. There’s something powerful about talking with people who truly get it, especially if you feel like people in your close circle won’t fully understand.
• Take care of your body. Try to keep up your normal routine as much as possible. Continue doing the things you once loved, even when motivation is low. Prioritize your physical health. Get some exercise, stay hydrated, and eat regularly. These basics matter more than ever when you’re grieving.
• Plan ahead for hard days. Certain dates, like holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries, can bring grief rushing back. Rather than being caught off guard, think ahead about how you’ll handle those moments. Having a plan can make those days feel a little less overwhelming.
• Move at your own pace. Grief isn’t linear. You’ll have good days and hard days, sometimes within the same hour. If someone tells you that you should be “over it” by now, they’re wrong. There is no timeline. Your grief is yours, and however you’re feeling is valid.

When to Reach Out for Help

Grief is hard, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. If the weight of your grief feels like too much to handle, working with a therapist can make a real difference. Reach out to us today to schedule a free 15-minute consultation about our approaches to grief or depression therapy and take the first step toward feeling supported.

About the Author

Will Dempsey, LICSW, is a mental health therapist and the founder of Heads Held High Counseling, based out of both Boston and Chicago. Will is a gender-affirming LGBTQ+ practitioner who sees individuals looking to overcome anxiety, depression, and trauma. He often uses EMDR, IFS, CBT, and expressive arts to assist his clients. All sessions are offered exclusively online.