If you are preparing to make a life commitment to someone, one of the biggest decisions of your life, premarital counseling is a great way to protect this important and precious investment.
Weddings and commitment ceremonies are joyous days that mark the beginning of something new together. It is a day to remember, because many people “go all out” so that it is a true celebration. People spend countless hours choosing venues, detailing guest lists, tasting wedding cakes, and hundreds of other tasks. Thousands of hours are spent to ensure that the special day is, well, special!
Most people, however, spend a fraction of time and resources on ensuring that this union actually does “last a lifetime” through focused help with a professional. How many hours have you and your significant other spent pouring over books about communication or sexual health? How much time have you spent considering how you create healthy patterns for discussing difficult topics rather than retreating, defending, or arguing?
What kinds of things would my partner and I talk about during pre-marital counseling?
What we know is that every relationship has their own “rules of engagement.” These are expectations that they have for their partner which are often (if ever) talked about. Expectations such as: who is in charge of certain chores, frequency/kinds of sex, who is primarily in charge of the children or pets, how money is spent or not spent and who has the final say, and countless others. These topics are among the things you will discuss during pre-marital therapy with me that will help you.
During the counseling process, we help you see what your own unspoken expectations of your partner are . . . so that you both can move forward in your relationship with a better understanding of how to nurture your relationship and your intimate connection.
Topics vary depending on the individuals, length of time together, and goals during our work. In our pre-marital counseling we will typically discuss topics such as:
- Communication styles
- Coping patterns
- Family histories
- Commitment expectations
- Career, education, and future aspirations
- Spirituality and religion
Why should you attend premarital counseling?
Why should you attend premarital therapy?
Think of the time, money, and other resources that you have invested in your relationship so far. If you have children together now, or if you plan to in the future, your contributions will grow exponentially.
Most of us choose to get into a primary relationship because we see returns from these relationships. We feel loved, have security, and experience happiness and support. We might dream of growing old together and enjoying our grandchildren. If you look at your marital union as an investment, one that you can gain returns on, it seems practical to consider how to best tend to this investment to ensure that it grows, thrives, and is there for your future.
Preparing for your life together actually does make a difference. Studies show that people who had premarital counseling reported higher levels of marital satisfaction and were 30 percent less likely to divorce in the first five years of marriage. I can tell you right now three amazing reasons to spend some time really exploring your relationship prior to getting married.
Three Amazing Reasons to Do Premarital Counseling:
1. You’ll learn a ton.
You won’t just learn about your relationship, you’ll also learn how to do things in your relationship that will transform your interactions and make rough times feel more like opportunities for growth and connection.
2. You’ll get to know your third roommate.
After the wedding, it’s not just you and your sweetie any more. You have a relationship to maintain, grow, feed and care for on a regular basis. Premarital counseling helps you establish, right of the bat, that as a team you are committed to paying attention to and taking care of your relationship.
3. You’ll have a map.
We don’t believe it’s helpful to try to script out too much of your relationship in advance, or make long lists of rules and guidelines no matter how well intentioned. Your marriage is and should be somewhat of an adventure. You want to let it surprise you, grow in unpredictable ways, and evolve as you change and grow as individuals. In our 20 minute free phone consultation we can talk about your needs, find out if we make a good fit and start putting together an ideal plan to take your relationship to the next level
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